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A good news! I have a good news and I just can't stand to inform everybody that I am pregnant! Though it's still early, today I'm 6 weeks, 2 days. The first time I did a pg test was the time when I and my husband cried excitedly. Yes it turned out to be positive unexpectedly. I'm so happy yet nervous knowing that miscarriage could possibly easily happen at the first trimester. We pray a lot so this baby will be save and healthy. I will have my appointment with the doc next monday. I hope we will find out the baby's condition then. I just opened a new blog to record my pregnancy development here :). Please pray for me.
Written by Dona at 1:19 PM | |
It's not that I don't want to It's been 10 months since the day we were married. So many things happened but it's still the word "both of us". What I mean is that we are still not expecting the new little comer in our small family. It's not that I don't want to, well only God knows.. My life is filled with lots and lots of endless works. I have to deal with different people and projects every day- and to mention also on my precious weekends. I'm the new fellow in this field, there are a lot of things to be catched up. Yes, it was my decision to throw myself in this career. After all, this is what I've been wanting to. My husband and I had this decision not to have a baby for this short while for the sake of ourselves, and we don't want to sacrifice anyone. With me being busy and stressed out, it's not pretty to experience those during pregnancy. So the word 'postpone' has been created. If this is for a good reason InsyaAllah we can survive and the time will come. Here's the thing, I'm now having this jealousy inside (unconsciously). Whenever I see a baby or get to know that some of my friends are in the mid of expecting a newly-born to be, I'd feel like I'm supposed to be the one who's experiencing it too. So now I'm in a dilemma. As I said, It's not that I don't want..
Written by Dona at 1:02 AM | |
The Wedding Bell Starts Ringing? Salam. Hi peeps. Here's the latest news. hehe. I'm getting married (insyaAllah) on August 18 NEXT MONTH. It is during USM's convo week. Everyone is supposed to be invited. This is kind of a rush plan. Invitation cards are on the way. For the time being, I just want to officially announce that I'm getting married. You might hear it from others maybe? :) So, if you happen to read this and willing to come to the majlis, you may want to give me your postal address by mail or sms. Bukan apa, takut ada yang terasa x dijemput pulak. So I dont want that. Maklumlah, it's a rush plan, I just dont want to accidently overlook somebody. Sekarang ni just wanna post it in blog, later if confirmed, I'll post this msg to the buletin (maybe) Anyway, Cheers. Mintak doa k!
Written by Dona at 10:34 PM | |
Work Life, New Life Here's the story. I started working two weeks ago. Lots of 'ritual' activities changed since then. The life is much more organized. I sleep and wake up everyday at the same time, take off my contact lenses everyday (back to my campus life sometimes I wear them more than 24hours!), I wash my clothes regularly, I see the same people everyday. It sounds boring yeah but I think I start to get used to it. The office is quite near to where I live. Surprisingly, I love how the petrol meter is rather slowly ticking down. So I can save money in that case. But just when I thought of it I heard that the office will be moved to somewhere around Kampung Baru. For sure it's not as near as it's current location now. So the excitement of having the best office distance doesn't last lah. My work is currently not stressing me at all. Though I don't really love it but I'm pretty happy. Everything seems to be easy. One more thing which changes, I don't get internet as often as when I was in the campus. huaa..
Written by Dona at 1:43 PM | |
Alhamdulillah For me one of the scariest things in life is to be lonely. Everyone would feel the same.. I guess. I like to be alone most of the time, but not being lonely since it is another different thing. When I'm lonely I would feel sad, and when I'm sad my mind would be filled with bad presumption and prejudice. This is the thing which could create the black holes in the heart. It's like a shield which covers your eyes. You would not see well but only the bad things because the hollow heart says so, not your brain, not the real things you should be seen. Today I'm grateful when I realized I am not that lonely being, so I should not have prejudice especially toward others. Even if they have so towards me, I never cared cause I won't be the one who's wretched. Yes, hating me means their lost. hah, me: being so self-assured sometimes. Have I written anything about graduation? Alhamdulillah, thank to the Lord cause insyaAllah I will walk again on the stage to receive the scroll this coming August. After those tiring years plus the extra year which I was forced to go through, finally I can graduate this year. Some of my friends might say I'm young enough to have the second graduation, but still I felt that I have wasted the other extra year. But I do not regret it now. Maybe at first I was really dissapointed since the lecturer had no (not even one single) strong reason why I should be a repeater. I was like the others, I was not that bad - but I failed. They under estimated me. Too bad but it happened. I managed to prove those people that they were wrong. At least I managed to prove myself that I could successfully finish my design thesis without any big help. I did my own graphics, I did colour my own plans, I did my own ideas without hiring anyone to do the 3D! I am too much satisfied. Every single thing came from my sweat. But I will never forget to exclaim credits which go to my close friends who were there for me. Thank you for your supports! .. And to my beloved family especially my parents, since their prayers had been the strongest force to me. I love these people and that's the reason why I'm not a lonely being. Okay.. this is getting similar to my dissertation acknowledgements :) To make a conclusion, I am just happy and being grateful. Am not being preachy but I'd like to share you the key which I learned today. Seriously, don't be wicked, see things clearly with a full-hearted. Prejudgment and preconception are like the killer from the inside.
Written by Dona at 12:41 AM | |
Graduating! Hooray! Alhamdulillah. Here's the news, I'll be graduating this year. HABIS dah semua keletihan, susahpayah di sekolah arkitektur ini. haha.. no no It's not that I'll be gone in the field but the feel of graduating is always goooo00d. I'm gonna have my holiday soon, back to Jakarta with my future spouse (insyaAllah), and will be back to KL in June - well, to work. Last week was the scary final VIVA. I submitted the drawings just after the dissertation submission the week before. It was one of the most hectic time in my life. Alhamdulillah ya Allah, I've been through that kind of situation. I mean I cannot imagine how time flies so fast. Now the juniors are feeling what I felt last year, it is the fear to enter the 5th year. Harus tough sikit. Well, afterall this is just the begining of the whole part. I'll start working in June, and meet the real field. Don't wanna think about it right now, cause at the moment I deserve a holiday and want to reward myself with a pleasant vacation. *grin* Goodluck to my juniors!
Written by Dona at 8:52 PM | |
PMS and Architecture It's been a week since viva 4 but I'm still doing my endless work. My last viva was pretty fine except for the part that they don't like my tension roof structure. Well, I already get rid of it. Other than that I think it's supposed to be much more than just fine. At least that's what I always think of this design thesis which is rather subjective. You never knew what is actually happening before you knew the end result. I will explain later how dissapointed I am to be in this architecture school. Just not now because I'm enough of feeling dizzy.
I was off 24 hours yesterday. This period pain has been killing me. If you're a girl and you don't have idea how
terrible the period pain is, I can say you're Okay, I admit that I didn't do this dissertation earlier. Please don't blame me cause I also had some other really important thing to do as doing my freelance. I've been planning to earn more this semester and alhamdulillah so far I have been involved in more than 3 projects this semester even if we haven't received the payment. Somehow I love to study but it's just enough for now. Because I need more time to work, earn for a living. I want to take my turn and let my parents be relaxed and get some rest. Later if I think to continue my study till doctorate insyaAllah I will do. But for now, I just want to take a break. I have less than 30 days to finish the works I'm doing now, yes, to be graduated, get employed and earn some money. I'm thinking of practising my architecture till I feel enough of doing it. Unless If later I find it very exciting. Just tell me which part of architecture is exciting other than designing and getting paid. Owh yes, if you're not a draughmen and do own your own architecture firm, then you will know how exciting architecture is. But for me, to have my own architecture firm will take me to another episode of journey. I would have another part of life which is called struggling with those construction monsters, not to say the machines but the living features who work behind the desks. Years by years then I'd be gaining experience and seat for the part III exams, then only if I pass I can have a license of establishing my own "Dona's Architects Sdn Bhd". Does it sound easy? Yes, as I said unless if I find architecture is exciting. And I haven't mentioned the sleepless nights, the long hours of OT architects would have. Let's see. I am a girl (or probably a woman), plus I got this periodic sting every month, it just sounds a whole heap for me. But what am I doing right now if not for doing the job in the future? Well, I have an alternative called being an educator. It would be better I guess. I kind like this architecture stuffs, I have passion for it, so why not educate people to do more arcitecture in other archi schools, perhaps. My future spouse who happens to be another archi student asked me why not try to be a lecturer? Herm, I guess I'm not the only one who's affraid of me dealing with this field. It is either he's affraid, he doesn't want me to deal with the construction monsters or me working late which means I'll experience those OTs and be back home really late. Which man wants his spouse to deal with it? This means his lost! haha.
Written by Dona at 1:07 PM | |
A Flashback of Last Year Eighteen of February 2006. It was saturday, a gloomy day. I arrived at the studio quite early. As usual, I put my things at my workplace, turned my PC on and went to the pantry to boil some water. There were few people in the studio. Some had not come and some were just quite. But everyone seemed to be so busy. Then I came back to my workplace, did my work. Every time I got bored, I walked through the whole studio watched what my friends were doing and came back to my place. And that day I happened to easily get bored. People - my friends kept coming and the studio started to be loud. Then they excitedly disscussed about the performance for archi week which would be held the next week. I was not really in the mood to mingle. So I remained seated doing my work. Still I could hear the noise.. Few minutes then they decided to do a little shooting for the presentation. They went downstairs and the noise went by along with them. It was 4PM she came at me, looked so exhausted. I'd seen her at her workstation. She was working with her AutoCad. But I didn't greet her because she was so busy as if there was no time anymore. So I let her, I knew that the 5th years would have viva on Monday. That time was like a critical time for most archi students, so strictly no disturbing each other. Now she came and I knew it means that it's about time to go back to the hostel and have some shower. It's our habit as architecture students mostly to sleep in the studio and don't have the chance to go back early at night before midnight. Yes, we do stay up a lot. Especially when the time of submission or viva is approaching. Studio is like our second home. Staying up is like our lifestyle, an unhealthy one. Sometimes we just do it purposely even if there's no deadlines. Despite the absence mattress, we still enjoy sleeping especially under our own tables. We feel that it is save to sleep at the studio rather than at our own rooms because we don't want to miss our precious last minute to fall asleep at the room without anyone awaken us. She didn't talk much. She wanted to go back to the hostel. As usual most of us share motorbikes. Those who don't have transport may borrow other's transport. Mostly not in a long time, just an hour or less. So, she took my scooter key and went back to her room. Usually she would come back in an hour. But I was wrong. 5.12PM one of my friends called me. He told me that she was caughted in an accident. I followed my other friends to the place where she felt. It was not far from our studio. We arrived. And there she was, lied on the street with pool of blood leaking from her head. There are thousands of feeling in my stomach and my head. I just didn't know what to do. Freezed, couldn't believe what I was seeing. People were there, watching her and watching us, as her friends who cried and cried. We prayed to the Lord to help her who was dying there. She must be really in a very terrible pain. Minutes after, those who handled her told us that she had gone. I was really confused and terribly sad.. I mean I saw her there, hopeless.. It took weeks for me to face what actually happened. I kept blaming myself. Don't ask me to pretend to be okay when someone, my own friend died on my motorbike. I saw my grandma dying in front of me, she was sick and she died properly on the bed. But not this one. Poor my dear friend. It was shocking and I felt really really terrible. Today it's been exactly a year. And the incident is still marked in my head. May Allah save her, Maryam Mohd Noh.
Written by Dona at 10:25 PM | |
i am old I think I'm old. hello... what am I thinking, it's the year 2007! I'm 23 years old already. I remember the day I turned 20 I cried silently. I said to myself that I wouldn't be in any *teen* ages. Now it's been 3 years from that day. Even if i'm not that young, I am really grateful I'm still alive which means I still have chances, lots of chances in life. Just another 3 days will be 18 of February. I recall a tragic situation happened last year. We lost a friend. She was not even 24 years when she died. For you muslims who happen to read this, please recite al-Fatihah for her. May God save her. Amin. That's life and how it works. We do not know what would happen tomorrow but we just can't stop complaining what we have had. We just need to be grateful of it. Well, like what I'm doing now. I have plenty of time today doing my studio works, instead I'm posting an entry here :~>
Written by Dona at 4:54 PM | |
emotions For you who haven't watched the movie of Blood Diamond, I may urge you to watch it. I did three days ago but markedly still can sense the feeling of muddle, mess, disaster and guilt. Yet, it really gave me a lesson not to ignore what had happened or what is really happening on earth. I'm rather emotional and sometimes it can be really too much. But it has not been too much for this. I mostly weep when any film I watch successfully touches the bottom of my compassion. Among those touchy movies which I have ever watched, this Blood Diamond has truly been the hit which was able to win all the moods I have ever felt. Here I'm not talking about a sobbing drama. This Blood Diamond is a fiction story but has the context which is based on fact. The fact of how those diamonds in the market today had caused conflict and death to hundred thousands or maybe millions of people. The conflict had also forced the existence of more than two hundred thousands of child soldiers. Then imagine how millions became refugees and families have been separated. The whole country has no home. Imagine when you see the nastiest things people could do to others and you know that those things are really happening on the other part of the world. The guilt came when I realized that all these exist while I never even bothered about it. So, to make conclusion why I'm so emotional watching this movie is that I've seen the most evil things and God, it's really happening! Hence browse more for the movie and get to know where it actually happens cause I may not want to review the movie in detail. The fact that I'm writing this is actually overwhelming since I have been quite passive in writing almost anything! Then I have to admit that I'm getting old. It's not fair to say, so I'd say that all of us are actually getting older and older. It's just that you realize you're old when the birthday comes. Today I turn 23. last night my aunty forwarded an SMS which she saved from last year. It was a message from my mom. It said "Patut dia kata nak p Gelugor nak pinjam mixer nak try buat cheese cake. She ll be 22, at that age i was in Geneva how time flies rasa2 baru macam kemarn!" I sobbed (another emotional act) after reading it. I have been missing my mother these days. She's at home, not feeling well. I hope it's not a serious thing as they believe that my mom got a typhoid fever. Nothing much to worry as long as she has quality rest. But the fact that she doesn't want to be hospitalized makes me a bit worry. I hope she's fine. It really hurts to know that the person who bore you 23 years ago is sick on your birthday. It is my birthday, 23 years ago was the time when my mom was collided with pain, struggling to bear me. This birthday is not a celebration for me, it is a celebration for my mom whom with her strength and faith I successfully could breath in the world. May Allah protect her. Back to the emotion thingy. Emotion is part of the consciousness. And consciousness is part of sanity. So people with emotions are sane and that's normal. Glad knowing that I am actually normal. So, I just want to enjoy my day. Happy birthday to me.. P.s. Thank you to all my friends who have made my birthday unlike my any other days!
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